老婆中计了

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拿下驾照，跟老哥要了车钥匙对老爸老妈嫂子说：我开车带你们去兜风。。。。老妈说：我该买菜去了！老爸起身就往外走：楼下老张头喊我下棋…嫂子扶着肚子：哎呀，肚子疼，我去厕所。。。。屋里就剩下我和小侄女了，还没等我说话，小侄女噗通一声跪倒我跟前姑姑，你放过我吧，我还小！！
郭德纲抱着儿子在小区散步，于谦看到了，　　跟老郭打招呼：“老郭，他们都说你老，我倒觉得你挺年轻。” 　　“那是，算你有眼光。” 　　“羡慕你啊，这么年轻就抱孙子了。”

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我经常给老婆洗衣服，每次都会发现一些零钱，当然我会悄悄藏起来，积少成多吗……今天问她：“还有衣服要洗吗？”老婆说：“有，等一下啊！”当我看到她悄悄把两块钱硬币放在上衣口袋的时候，我好像明白了什么……
很多年前单位刚来一女临时工，小姑娘腼腆涉世未深的样子。小伙儿们招数用尽，连个名字都没问出来。换班来一人才，随便画了张表格给她，让填完送过去。三分钟都用不上，姓名年龄住址学历联系方式身高体重爱好……板板正正地写好了………

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IT人大家都懂的，天天加班，熬夜常态，更无双休可能。一个周末，大家一起忙了一上午，十一点多，某同事忽然起身，丢下一句话就冲出去了。他说：“你们忙着，我出去结个婚就回来。”
今天带老婆去超市购物。老婆想吃烤鸡腿，我说：“你去问问他们卖的鸡腿是前腿还是后腿。咱们只买后腿，前腿不好吃。” ，屁颠屁颠跑去问卖鸡腿的售货员：“请问这鸡腿是前腿还是后腿？” 售货员：“我也不知道呀……应该是后腿吧。”

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我家隔壁有一对极品夫妻，结婚后吃干玩净贷款买车买房用负资产的方式拴住对方，两人的债还到60岁也还不完。谁要是想拆散他们得做好背几十年债的心里准备。神马海誓山盟都弱爆了，这才是保持爱情忠贞的好办法！

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