搞笑段子：我兽性大发了

mxdkey

近来听说的最震撼的一件事：一对大学情侣，女生去美国留学，刚到了没几个月就发现怀孕了，男生到女方父母家磕头谢罪，表示愿负全责，提前退学，打工挣钱，还和女生领了证，最后生下孩子一看发现是个黑人。

今天，我在开车时，测速电子眼闪了我一下。

我绝对没有超速，于是我又回去以更慢的速度经过那个电子眼，它又闪了。

我很疑惑，就又试了一次，它果然又闪了。

觉得好玩，我就以龟速又通过了它。

后来我因为没系安全带收到了4张罚单。

一女生把同桌衣服拉开，同桌冲过去要与该女生搏斗。

嘴里还大喊着：“我兽性大发了！”

结果被对面一堆女生轰了回来。

回到座位，我问他：“你的兽性呢？”

同桌贱贱滴看着我，来了个：“喵。”

我：“……”

刚才我同学在微信上告诉我，他儿子在学校又惹事了。我问原因，他说他儿子上课玩吸铁石，被女语文老师发现了，老师过来没收，吸铁石竟然吸在她的大戒指上了，老师当场就哭了，跑去找校长打了一架。

在超市被人插队是很常见的事，以前还会争吵或者动手，现在年纪大了，稳重了，就不再冲动，就像刚才，面对带着初中闺女插队的妇女，我笑着走开换条购物通道，只是临走时随手把一盒杰士邦塞进了小姑娘的书包里。听着刺耳的警报，我对后面的故事已经不感兴趣了。

宿管阿姨发现，每天晚上都有一个女孩在走廊徘徊。

穿着睡衣，面无表情，默默地盯着手机屏幕，一语不发。

此事重复多日，阿姨决定上前关心一下：“同学，你有什么困难吗？”

女孩诧异地回答：“啊？没有啊。”

宿管阿姨：“那为什么每天都不回宿舍呢？”

女孩：“因为走廊上wifi信号比较好啊。”

昨晚和女友躺在床上准备睡觉时，她突然把我拍醒说：”我感觉门口有人，你要不起来看看。”我一惊，忍着寒冷走到门口什么也没有，便告诉她：”没有人，快睡吧。”女友躺在床上淡淡的说了句：”哦，那你顺便帮我倒杯水吧。”

老师请我去一趟给我看10岁闺女写的作文《对老师说说心里话》。“你长得也不漂亮，课也讲得一般，还没时间找男朋友，再耽误下去就没人要了！女生还是要找个靠谱的嫁了才是正经事。”我看完一个劲给老师道歉。老师面无表情：“下页还有！”翻过来：老师你要不嫌弃我就给你介绍下我爸的情况…

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